There are two types of Hula dance. just like there is two types of American Indian art. That would be Pre-Western world and Post-Western world.
The Pre-Western world Hula was an integral tradition of a great cultural, spiritual and social significance. (Again…just like Pre-Western Native American Indian art.)
The Post-Western Hula is a way for American women to discover their hips. Or to look coy. Or to ham it up for their hubby. Or, now that I think of it…a way to be slightly offensive to a culture which spread from Tahiti to New Zealand, with hula hotspots in Hawaii, Somoa, Tonga and other locales.
The Post-Western world American Indian art was produced for sale, at slave wages, by people transitioned to reservations in need of a survival income.
Okay…factual but unfortunate history lesson out of the way. No, wait. It gets worse.
When Protestant missionaries arrived in the Hawaiian islands, they immediately found the traditional dance obscene. First step of learning the Hula? BAN it. By the time of our Civil War, the missionaries had managed to nearly stamp out the Hula on the islands, and believe it or not, LICENSED it so when it occurred in public, it was closely monitored.
The missionaries didn't know about, or didn't believe in, or didn't enjoy women's hips. Especially women's hips which were apparently enjoying themselves. It is pretty hard not to smile when either watching or dancing the hula. The hula was hot. The hula was Shakira on a good day.
(According to Wiki, the missionaries allowed the dance to continue in their OWN little Christian hovels, but denied it to the natives. That too is an old story. )
Am I being too harsh? Nope. The church has a history of banning hip-dances. You want a little "Hippy, Hippy Shake?" Well…okay. But by those cute mop-top Beatles, not Chan Romero, the "ethnically outside" Spanish and Apache man who wrote it.
The real, original, deeply rooted cultural dance known as the hula signifies nature, an ocean wave, a yearning, and a whole spectrum of deep, complex meanings… but the interlopers only saw the hips. I am not sure if the cocoanut breast covering now seen at vacation resorts was part of the original dance, but I don't have to look it up. I don't think so.
Is there ANYTHING good to say about the history of the Hula? Yes. Hula Hoops. The recent fitness craze. The sound of the grass skirts and the brief glimpses hinting at what is within. And again…the smiles.
I collected these vintage photographs of American women doing the hula "ham it up" just to tell this story. See how an image can be worth a thousand words? So can a video. Here is Chan rocking it. Chan wasn't afraid of hips, but Ed Sulllivan was. Look up Elvis. He liked Hawaii too.
Maybe one day I'll tell the story of the slide guitar and what it meant in Hawaii.
Group of Vintage Snapshots of Hula, American Style. All circa 1930 - 1945 Collection Jim Linderman
BROWSE AND ORDER BOOKS BY JIM LINDERMAN HERE ON BLURB.COM EBOOKS ARE ALL $5.99 EACH. PAPERBACK AND HARDCOVERS ARE MORE EXPENSIVE, BUT AVAILABLE.
I'm not all about satire, and neither should be any questioning soul...there ARE some good guys in the Jesus racket, and one of them, nay, one of the greatest and most astounding, is the extraordinary and charming Clarence Herbert Woolston. How we need this humble man today, and how he makes what passes for our public preachers look like the big walking bags of wind and shame they are.
I am not kidding one little bit. I may have spent the last five years making fun of bible thumpers on old time religion the blog, where this post originates, but one man has finally cured my heathen ways. Although this one man should be at LEAST as famous as Billy Graham's idiot son...he is unknown. That's right. A cipher. Not only forgotten, hardly ever heard of.
Let's start with this:
The refrain to the greatest children's song of all time:
Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white,
All are precious in His sight,
Jesus loves the little children of the world
Are you humming it in your head? You should be. Know who wrote it? Nope.
Clarence Herbert Woolston, Doctor of Divinity wrote it. The rest of the song is HERE along with a lovely, simple piano backing which will allow you to sing along and share it with others. The fellow above with sideburns and a big cat in his hands.
Song writers will give up their left nut (or if they have no nuts, a left hand) to write what is known as a "standard" and this is one big glorious standard children love still, but their more racist and unforgiving parents (and politicians) have forgotten. Seriously...more children have sung this song than Sir Paul's "Yesterday" or Willie Nelson's "Crazy" but how often have you read the phrase "Clarence Herbert Woolston's "Jesus Loves the Little Children?"
I know how often. You have now read it exactly once.
The equally extraordinary "Bible Object Book" shown here is but one more accomplishment of this dear man history has forgotten. Each chapter, each PAGE is a delight. As you can see, my copy cost 49 cents. Now THAT is a sin. A HUGE sin when you consider the opening price of, oh, let's see...Sarah Palin's piece of bile was $28.99. That's right. Almost thirty bucks for an Alaskan fraud, you shallow and deceived followers. Thank GOD you can now buy Palin's book used (and unread) starting at ONE PENNY as long as you will pay postage. True!
Here is an example from Dr. Woolston's book, using as the object a postage stamp, from the chapter titled "The Postage Stamp as a Preacher"
"The postage stamp is a non-combatant. When it is licked, it does not hit back. It is a peace-lover."
"The postage stamp does what it is told to do...it does not seek to know the contents of the letter, but to deliver the letter to the party named."
Lovely. There are 61 chapters in the book, each one using an everyday object children are familiar with to teach a lesson. It is not only a teaching tool which is a model of effectiveness, but tolerance and love and it is all told with astounding beautiful and simple prose.
Perhaps we would know more about the book if Woolsey hadn't passed away less than a year after it was published. Search "Jimmy Swaggart" and you get well over one million hits. Search "Clarence Herbert Woolston" and you get few indeed, and a good number are used bookstores selling this book. It is enough to make me cry more than the disgraced buffoon and sinner Jimmy Swaggart...and although that charlatan will sell you HIS music, (boy will he...an entire website is devoted to selling you his music) they all suck by comparison to Woolston's masterpiece. In fact, they all suck by comparison to "The Purple People Eater" by Sheb Wooley. But I love Sheb.
Swaggart, however, should just ship all those CDs directly to the flea market where they belong and will eventually end up...the sooner the better.
Woolston was pastor of the East Baptist Church in Philadelphia. How lucky were they to have him. In this picture, Woolston brings a baby bear cub into church to illustrate the sin of stubbornness. Woolston was also known to use a baby leopard in lectures. A photo in the book shows his church filled to the rafters, literally, with children craning their necks towards the lectern.
Get this...Woolston also wrote a book Harry Houdini prized. I'd be honored if Harry Houdini had even browsed a pamphlet of mine, but he had the entire "Seeking Truth: A Book of Object Lessons with Magical and Mechanical Effects" which is 207 pages of REAL miracles, not the kind faith-healers and charlatans claim to make every day. Yep. Woolston also wrote a book in which you can entertain children while performing magic tricks from the Bible.
Now as for all those frauds out there roping folks into their gigantic crusades or evangelistic election schemes...will they ever repent and do some good for a change? I dunno...can a leopard change his spots?
In addition to "Jesus Loves the Little Children" Woolston wrote "Penny Object Lessons" "Seeing Truth" "The Curiosity Book" and produced what were known as the "Seeing Truth Packets" which were small versions of his notions.
Pictures from The Bible Object Book by Clarence Herbert Woolston The Judson Press 1926. Collection Jim Linderman.
Dull Tool Dim Bulb Books in Print by Jim Linderman are HERE
